We all have expectations.
About life.
About situations.
But perhaps most of all, about other people.
You send someone a message and, somewhere in your mind, you already imagine how they should respond. You do something kind and hope they will appreciate it. You share something you are excited about and expect them to meet you with at least a little of that same enthusiasm.
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
It only becomes difficult when the way you feel starts depending on what happens next.
Because what if they respond differently?
Less enthusiastically. More briefly. A little distant. Or perhaps they don't respond at all.
Before you know it, your mind starts filling in the blanks.
Did I say something wrong?
Why are they reacting like this?
Maybe I shouldn't have done it.
Perhaps it simply doesn't matter to them.
And suddenly, something that felt perfectly fine five minutes ago has turned into disappointment, doubt or sadness.
Not necessarily because something bad actually happened.
But because reality didn't match the expectation you had already created in your mind.
You can't write someone else's reaction
Perhaps that is one of the hardest lessons when it comes to dealing with other people:
You can give what you want to give.
You can say what you want to say.
You can act from your own feelings and intentions.
But that is where your part ends.
How someone else responds belongs to their world.
Their reaction is shaped by their personality, their past, their mood, their fears, their tiredness, their own expectations — and perhaps a hundred other things you know absolutely nothing about.
And yet, so often, we make their reaction personal.
We allow it to change our mood. Sometimes we even allow it to ruin our entire day.
Without realising it, we hand someone else the remote control to our happiness.
If you react the way I hoped, I feel good.
If you don't, I feel bad.
That is an enormous amount of power to place in somebody else's hands.
What if you simply stayed open?
Try doing something without writing the rest of the story beforehand.
Send that loving message because you want to send it.
Give that compliment because you mean it.
Share that story because you want to tell it.
Do something kind for someone simply because kindness is part of who you are.
And then let go of what happens next.
Perhaps you will receive exactly the response you hoped for.
Perhaps you won't.
But that doesn't make your original gesture any less beautiful.
Your excitement doesn't become less real because someone else doesn't share it.
Your love doesn't become less valuable because someone receives it differently than you imagined.
And your day certainly doesn't have to become less beautiful simply because someone else didn't follow the script you had quietly written for them.
Living without expectations doesn't mean living without hope
Of course you can hope.
Of course you can wish for things.
And yes, within relationships you are absolutely allowed to have needs and expectations. Letting go of expectations doesn't mean accepting everything or never expressing what you need.
It simply means trying to leave some open space between what you do and how another person responds.
Instead of:
This needs to happen for me to be happy.
Try:
I would love for this to happen. But if it doesn't, I will still be okay.
It may seem like a small difference.
But it can create an incredible sense of freedom.
Because the less tightly you hold on to how something should unfold, the more space you create to experience what is actually happening.
And perhaps something will happen that you never expected.
Something better.
Something funny.
Something that teaches you something.
Or simply something different.
Keep your happiness on your side of the table
Perhaps that is what it ultimately comes down to.
You don't have to walk through life without wishes or desires.
You simply don't have to offer your happiness as collateral every time you have one.
Let people respond the way they respond.
Notice it. Feel what it does to you. Draw your conclusions when you need to.
But stay close to yourself while you do.
Because when you stop waiting for the outside world to behave exactly as you imagined it would, something beautiful begins to appear:
SPACE.
Space for spontaneity.
Space for wonder.
Space for other people to be who they are.
And most importantly, space for you to be happy even when life decides to follow a completely different script.
Perhaps living without expectations isn't about living without desire at all.
Perhaps it is simply being able to say:
“I know what I hope for.
But my happiness does not depend on what you choose to do with it.”
And perhaps that is exactly where freedom begins.
De Verhalenheks